Posted in mental health, mental health awareness, mental health campaigner, Uncategorized

Lord Mayor Award!

I am still in shock that I received this letter telling me that I am getting a Lord Mayor Award!

This last month or so has been a rollercoaster of some amazing things and some terribly stressful things.

In about a month I have almost completed a course I never thought I would have the ability to do, I have changed my surname by deedpoll for personal and emotional reasons, walked away from my remaining parent who I desperately wanted a relationship with but realised this was never going to happen, struggled to buy food due to job loss, had to talk to the council about social housing and possiblity of homeless registers, then had some amazing person pay my level 3 counselling course fees anonomously which blew me away then this dropped through the door!!

Talk about roller coaster!!!

Some terrible stress mixed with the most amazing things has left my emotions feeling a little all over! However I am so immenseley grateful for the good lately and these incredible moments that have picked me back up. I don’t know who paid my course fees but I don’t have enough words to thank them.

I can’t believe that the Lord Mayor believes that I deserve this amazing recognition but I am blown away and so so thankful and I hope I am able to use this to move forward and do even more in relation to my mental health projects because that’s what I do it for, to reach people and show it is possible for things to get better and to not give in to those thoughts of suicide, that one more step is a step in the right direction, even if it feels wrong because you are still here to fight!

I wrote my BOOK and shared my story to reach as many hands of people who feel they have reached their end of hope as possible to show that if I can do it, so can anyone out there.

I do the projects that I do to create conversation around mental health and also to show people that small things that we can all easily do – they do make a difference to people. To quote the Dalai Lama:

“If you think you are too small to make a difference – try sleeping with a mosquito”

We are all capable of change, we are all capable of creating change.

I am incredibly humbled and grateful for this award (even if recieving praise I actually find quite difficult) The letter absolutely lifted me when I was starting to feel quite down and doubt myself and I am incredibly thankful for that and eveyone who supports me here and online daily. It really does mean the world to me.

This just shows though it is possible to go from being gripped by mental illness, multiple hospital admissions and wanting to die and planning just that to holding on by a thread and going on to do things (even though I still struggle and cannot say it’s perfect by any means) that I never thought I should, could or would and have found a true passion and positive in the hell that once was.

So keep going my friend, don’t give up on you. Not ever.

Posted in anxiety, mental health, mental health awareness, Uncategorized

Never Give Up On You. Ever.

Never give up on you. Never give up on your hopes and dreams. It is possible to get through the seemingly impossible.

I wanted to do this vlog to talk about feeling like we can never achieve, never be who we want and never achieve our goals and dreams.

Anyone that have read my BOOK will know the blocks that have stopped me moving forward in relation to mental illness and I just wanted to tell you all why even when you feel like it’s impossible, like you will never be able to work towards your goals, like you will never get past just not wanting to be around anymore…..Why things can and do change and to say just never give up on you. Even when it’s all you want to do. I have been there. I may even go back to being there at some point because mental illness follows us around but I do know now that if I have got through it before I can again…and again….and again. It’s totally possible to find a space in your brain that will eventually tell you the same even if you don’t feel that way now.

Just don’t give up on you. Keep those goals and dreams close to your heart and don’t let them go, for they will keep you going.

 

Posted in anxiety, mental health, mental health awareness, Uncategorized

The Distance Between Now And Then Can Be Further Than You Thought.

It’s easy to underestimate how far we’ve come – even when it’s all crashing down.

I haven’t posted for some time because, basically everthing started falling apart.

I had to cancel my event first and foremost because I didn’t feel I had enough support. Every aspect of the event was pretty much organised single handedly and It was a lot for one person. Add on to that one person that had been really poorly and I was desperately trying to bring it all together by myself. Add to this my partner losing his job, trying to catch up coursework that I had missed while ill and I realised that I just couldn’t do it anymore.

That was a blow for me, I don’t like admitting defeat and I had started out very excited about it but I realised that I was doing way too much alone and I was going to break. Then I realised how far I had come from the past in being able to realise this, stand up for myself and move on. In the past I would have carried on going and not said a word about how I was feeling, let alone stood up to someone I looked at as higher authority and not accepted the way I was being spoken to. The event may have felt like i’d failed but ultimately I realised I had made massive steps here!

Now to the current situation…..I will cut a long story short but my partner lost his job, the money I get has kept us in food….JUST. The internet, TV and my phone have all been disconnected at points and we have had to borrow money for food at times. He was contracting after he got made redundant a few years ago – therefore self employed – therefore told he cannot get Job Seekers allowance or any help (A nice screw you from the government there as this is someone thats worked since 16, paid tax and never been on benefits) So we have been on a countdown clock on him getting a job in time before we are forced to ask for an eviction notice, to be put on the homeless register to get housing help which will include temporary accommodation with a 5 year old who loves her current school and would have to leave, 2 dogs and furniture we can’t afford to put in to storage. We have tried and contemplated every other way but it’s just led to the inevitable which is coming ever closer.

To add to that I am 2 weeks off finishing my level 2 counselling course that I have waited for over a decade to do and was meant to be starting my level 3 in June but now cannot afford the course fees (with no funding help as it’s a small training centre) – That hurts a lot as this is my dream that I finally thought I was going to do but now is looking unlikely so all my classmates will move to level 3 apart from me and I am totally gutted.

Finally and hugely add to the shitstorm that I finally told my Mom how I felt about our relationship (I think after so much going on it tipped my balance of being able to continue feeling like half a daughter – not one that really mattered anyway) and ended up having a blow out on Mothers Day and we are no longer talking. This has caused a whole storm of emotions and has been really difficult.

Mix all that together in a nice big pot of what the hell and it’s safe to say it’s not been an easy time.

The reason I am saying this is because in times past I would have melted by now. I would have simply not coped.

Am I saying I have my shit together? HELL NO.

However I am more of a functioning human in this curent situation that I once would have been.

If we lose our home, if we end up in temporary accommodation, If my Mom can’t see past the end of her own nose and isn’t willing to change…..What can I honestly do about any of it? I have tried, I have thought, I have confronted and looked at the whole situation…What more can any of us do realistically about a situation?

I have realised over the the years that sometimes acceptance is the best policy. Accept yourself, others, situations – change what you can and leave what you can’t.

I’m exhausted and stressed and heartbroken…..But I haven’t broken…YET. That’s a million miles from where I once was. How far you’ve come is easily forgotten. Strength sometimes comes when you have no choice but it’s also possible in these times to see progress even when it may feel like everything is crashing down.

So even if you don’t feel strong right now – The chances are you’re stronger than you think ♡

My Journey through Mental Illness available on amazon – search “In Bloom Not Broken”

img_20190311_202839_9995403842131766236051.jpg

Posted in mental health, mental health campaigner, Uncategorized

You Are You

Just a little reminder to all you out there reading this right now that you are amazing.

There is one of you, mental health, be proud
there is one of you, be proud

You are YOU! DO you know how amazing that is?

There Is but one of you. One in this whole universe. Of all the humans out there right now there is just ONE of YOU!

That’s amazing. Add to that all the things that you personally do, That you personally have achieved, whatever they may be….That’s incredible.

Don’t underestimate YOU.

Don’t underestimate the power of you and all the things you have achieved and are yet still to achieve.

Don’t downplay those achievements. They are different for each of us and each one is amazing. You are here. Right now you are here. Being. Achieving. Growing. Learning. That’s something to be proud of wherever in life that may be. At whatever stage. It doesn’t matter.

You are you. That’s all that matters.

Posted in Uncategorized

When you have a beige day

Today is a beige day. I don’t like beige much. However it does happen. It happens fairly frequently.

Mental illness means it’s Sometimes rainbows , sometimes beige, grey and black.

That’s okay though. It’s inevitable. It’s the nature.

Just remeber it will roll round again and nothing lasts forever.

Posted in mental health, mental health campaigner, Uncategorized

Just a note to you this Sunday evening

There will be someone somewhere this Sunday evening struggling with their mental health.

Depression, anxiety, suicidal feelings – whatever it may be there will be so many people right now struggling.

I wanted to out out a short post. Just a little note from me to you. YOU sitting there right now struggling, feeling hopeless, worthless, like there is nothing left to do, no where left to go.

This is for you.

To tell you that I know it hurts feeling this way. I know it might feel like you’ve tried everything. Nothing is making this any better. That it can’t get any better. I know how much this hurts and the depths of these feelings because I have been there too, many times.

I also sit here now writing this to you knowing that if you give yourself time you will sit there as I sit here now feeling how glad I am that I am no longer in that place. Granted I know that it might sneak up on me again at any time, I not totally free from it’s grasp. The difference is now I have been through that and come through it time and time again I know that I am stronger and better equipped to deal with it next time, to almost watch it from a distance and let it run it’s course.

Nothing lasts forever, everything waxes and wanes and moves in and out like the tide.

This will too, even if it feels it wont.

Be kind to yourself in this time. Do what you need to do to get through. Be gentle with your mind as you would a broken leg. Don’t push it, let it heal and rest.

You will be Okay. These aren’t empty words. Believe me I know. I also know recovery is possible. That means different things to different people but to whatever extent that means for us – you – me, it’s possible.

Hand in there.

It’s going to be alright

x

suicide letter , mental health awareness
Mental health awareness. From me to you
Posted in mental health, mental health campaigner, Uncategorized

Publishing And Puppies!

Don’t be ashamed of your story it will inspire others.

Sharing mental health stories is powerful. There’s a lot to be said for one person’s journey resonating with other human and that is the reason I have wanted to share my story.

Today was a special day as I got the final manuscript back from my editor to pass on to the publisher ♡

It’s been emotional writing and reading and ‘re reading…and ‘re reading my own journey. It’s made me realise what I lost, what I miss but most importantly how far I’ve come.

Putting your story to the world for others to read is both empowering and terrifying.

It’s putting things out there there are personal, That you don’t speak of much, That others may not agree with and that may even tread on others toes.

For me if I was going to share my story. it had to be the truth. My version of events – regardless of who may or may not agree. I wanted it to be raw, honest, no heirs and graces. I didn’t want a fluffy story that sounded poetic but false. It’s about mental illness at its very core and so I wanted it to be real and I hope that it helps someone out there. That will make it worth while.

I have experience with more than one mental illness, a chaotic upbringing and multiple hospital admissions and so it was important to me to portray that messy and seemingly hopeless situation and show that it is possible to achieve normality…..whatever that is and whatever that means to the individual.

I will post updates when it is ready to buy and I hope some of you will read it and find some hope in there that you can relate to ♡♡

katie houghton mental health campaigner author
Katie Houghton -Mental health campaigner – author In Bloom Not Broken

This is something i’ve wanted to do for so many years and somehow makes all that has happened mean something. It’s given me a passion and something to say that I’m now in a place to be able to share.

On a different note today has been the best. Not only have I sent off my manuscript to be a real live book but I’ve been and bought a new puppy to be named Eddie who will be part of our family in four weeks time! I LOVE dogs and already have my 10 year old fur baby who is my best friend and also featured in my book so this little man is a welcome and fitting addition ♡

katie houghton mental health campaigner
Eddie the new addition to our family!

So between puppies and publishing it’s been a fabulous day!