I am still in shock that I received this letter telling me that I am getting a Lord Mayor Award!
This last month or so has been a rollercoaster of some amazing things and some terribly stressful things.
In about a month I have almost completed a course I never thought I would have the ability to do, I have changed my surname by deedpoll for personal and emotional reasons, walked away from my remaining parent who I desperately wanted a relationship with but realised this was never going to happen, struggled to buy food due to job loss, had to talk to the council about social housing and possiblity of homeless registers, then had some amazing person pay my level 3 counselling course fees anonomously which blew me away then this dropped through the door!!
Talk about roller coaster!!!
Some terrible stress mixed with the most amazing things has left my emotions feeling a little all over! However I am so immenseley grateful for the good lately and these incredible moments that have picked me back up. I don’t know who paid my course fees but I don’t have enough words to thank them.
I can’t believe that the Lord Mayor believes that I deserve this amazing recognition but I am blown away and so so thankful and I hope I am able to use this to move forward and do even more in relation to my mental health projects because that’s what I do it for, to reach people and show it is possible for things to get better and to not give in to those thoughts of suicide, that one more step is a step in the right direction, even if it feels wrong because you are still here to fight!
I wrote my BOOK and shared my story to reach as many hands of people who feel they have reached their end of hope as possible to show that if I can do it, so can anyone out there.
I do the projects that I do to create conversation around mental health and also to show people that small things that we can all easily do – they do make a difference to people. To quote the Dalai Lama:
“If you think you are too small to make a difference – try sleeping with a mosquito”
We are all capable of change, we are all capable of creating change.
I am incredibly humbled and grateful for this award (even if recieving praise I actually find quite difficult) The letter absolutely lifted me when I was starting to feel quite down and doubt myself and I am incredibly thankful for that and eveyone who supports me here and online daily. It really does mean the world to me.
This just shows though it is possible to go from being gripped by mental illness, multiple hospital admissions and wanting to die and planning just that to holding on by a thread and going on to do things (even though I still struggle and cannot say it’s perfect by any means) that I never thought I should, could or would and have found a true passion and positive in the hell that once was.
So keep going my friend, don’t give up on you. Not ever.