Posted in anxiety, mental health, mental health awareness, Uncategorized

The Distance Between Now And Then Can Be Further Than You Thought.

It’s easy to underestimate how far we’ve come – even when it’s all crashing down.

I haven’t posted for some time because, basically everthing started falling apart.

I had to cancel my event first and foremost because I didn’t feel I had enough support. Every aspect of the event was pretty much organised single handedly and It was a lot for one person. Add on to that one person that had been really poorly and I was desperately trying to bring it all together by myself. Add to this my partner losing his job, trying to catch up coursework that I had missed while ill and I realised that I just couldn’t do it anymore.

That was a blow for me, I don’t like admitting defeat and I had started out very excited about it but I realised that I was doing way too much alone and I was going to break. Then I realised how far I had come from the past in being able to realise this, stand up for myself and move on. In the past I would have carried on going and not said a word about how I was feeling, let alone stood up to someone I looked at as higher authority and not accepted the way I was being spoken to. The event may have felt like i’d failed but ultimately I realised I had made massive steps here!

Now to the current situation…..I will cut a long story short but my partner lost his job, the money I get has kept us in food….JUST. The internet, TV and my phone have all been disconnected at points and we have had to borrow money for food at times. He was contracting after he got made redundant a few years ago – therefore self employed – therefore told he cannot get Job Seekers allowance or any help (A nice screw you from the government there as this is someone thats worked since 16, paid tax and never been on benefits) So we have been on a countdown clock on him getting a job in time before we are forced to ask for an eviction notice, to be put on the homeless register to get housing help which will include temporary accommodation with a 5 year old who loves her current school and would have to leave, 2 dogs and furniture we can’t afford to put in to storage. We have tried and contemplated every other way but it’s just led to the inevitable which is coming ever closer.

To add to that I am 2 weeks off finishing my level 2 counselling course that I have waited for over a decade to do and was meant to be starting my level 3 in June but now cannot afford the course fees (with no funding help as it’s a small training centre) – That hurts a lot as this is my dream that I finally thought I was going to do but now is looking unlikely so all my classmates will move to level 3 apart from me and I am totally gutted.

Finally and hugely add to the shitstorm that I finally told my Mom how I felt about our relationship (I think after so much going on it tipped my balance of being able to continue feeling like half a daughter – not one that really mattered anyway) and ended up having a blow out on Mothers Day and we are no longer talking. This has caused a whole storm of emotions and has been really difficult.

Mix all that together in a nice big pot of what the hell and it’s safe to say it’s not been an easy time.

The reason I am saying this is because in times past I would have melted by now. I would have simply not coped.

Am I saying I have my shit together? HELL NO.

However I am more of a functioning human in this curent situation that I once would have been.

If we lose our home, if we end up in temporary accommodation, If my Mom can’t see past the end of her own nose and isn’t willing to change…..What can I honestly do about any of it? I have tried, I have thought, I have confronted and looked at the whole situation…What more can any of us do realistically about a situation?

I have realised over the the years that sometimes acceptance is the best policy. Accept yourself, others, situations – change what you can and leave what you can’t.

I’m exhausted and stressed and heartbroken…..But I haven’t broken…YET. That’s a million miles from where I once was. How far you’ve come is easily forgotten. Strength sometimes comes when you have no choice but it’s also possible in these times to see progress even when it may feel like everything is crashing down.

So even if you don’t feel strong right now – The chances are you’re stronger than you think ♡

My Journey through Mental Illness available on amazon – search “In Bloom Not Broken”

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Posted in anxiety, mental health, mental health awareness, mental health campaigner

Why Having A Meltdown Is Necessary

We all, I think try and hold back emotions, our true feelings and selves sometimes but more often than not this will find a way of exploding.

Recently with the stress of having to cancel my event through what I felt what lack of support, understanding, ticket sales, my partner losing his job, health issues, and general life stress it all exploded in to a cluster fuck of shit. One big explosion of emotion that took my feet from underneath me.

I am still not 100% and the level of pure anxiety from the aftermath of everything recently is still lingering and while I may simmer for a while, it it is taking the smallest things to bring that back to the boil.

Everything is uncertain at the moment from where I am going to where I am going to live, the fact rent can’t be paid, I may not be able to continue on to level 3 of counselling course that I have worked so hard to complete level 2 due to funds, what is going to happen to us a family……It’s fairly overwhelming right now but one thing I have learned recently is to choose who I work with closely in relation to mental health projects and also that melting in to a million pieces is okay, it’s necessary sometimes. We are human, we all have limits – you have limits. Don’t ever think that breaking and crying and despairing is weak or isn’t okay somehow, because it IS okay, because you, me, all of us, we are in the words of Rag ‘n’ Bone Man “Only Human After all”

Posted in mental health, mental health awareness, mental health campaigner

New Vlog – It’s Been A While!

Writing a book is an amazing, scary thing!

In Bloom Not Broken – My Journey through mental illness is now available on Amazon!

I wanted to do a video updating what has been going on for me lately and to talk a bit about writing a book and how it’s difficult to please everone. It’s an impossible task and when writing yoir story it is just that – your story, your perspective and the only way to go about that is to own it and roll with it!

Posted in mental health, mental health awareness, mental health campaigner

My Story – In Bloom Not Broken Now Available On Amazon!

Firstly apologies for my quietness, I have had a HORRIBLE flu plus a kidney infection on top making one poorly Katie for a couple of weeks that has left me with Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome and wonderful continuous IBS issues which has just totally wiped me out and left me struggling to do much of anything at all which in the land of me who likes to be constantly active and creative has managed to sink some feelings of depression and anxiety in to the mix!

However on a much more positive note I am super excited (and nervous) to day that my book In Bloom Not Broken is now available on Amazon in ebook format and the paperback will also be available soon!

Amazon UK HERE

Amazon US HERE

This is so exciting as this is something I have wanted to do for so long but I had to wait until I was in the right place to be able to go through my life, feelings and thoughts with great honesty to wriye the book I wanted it to be and that included going through 10 diaries filled with raw emotion and feelings to add to the book.

I wanted it to be raw, honest, no heirs and graces to really let people inside the mind of someone struggling with mental illness and for those struggling themselves to be able to relate in a real way that would show they are not alone with their feelings and thoughts including those that may feel embarrassing or shameful. I wanted it to be something that would offer hope to others that things can get better even when that seems totally impossible and you no longer want to live if you just hold on.

It’s a scary thing to bare your soul, share diary entries and aspects of your life that are so personal that for a long time I was ashamed of. I am not ashamed anymore though and I hope this book will allow others to feel the same and get something from it.

It would mean the absolute world me if you could support my journey and have a read! If you do buy it and like it please do leave a review as they really help. I would love to hear what you think once you have read it so feel frew to contact me!

I never thought i’d actually write a book and would like to say a HUGE thank yoi to Eliezer Tristan Publishing who believed in my story.

I also want to say that this shows you can do anything you put your mind to. You really can if you just go for it. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t. If I can do it so can you! Never give up on yourself or your dreams ♡

Posted in mental health, mental health awareness, mental health campaigner

Tree Of Hope – Mental Health Awareness Project Made Worthwhile In One Single Moment

Some people may think do little mental health awareness projects really make a difference?

What difference can I make to anyone with just little old me?

As you will see from my previous posts, one of my personal mental healrh projects this Christmas was my tree of hope in the local park:

Today an elderly man approached me as I was replenishing the hearts which are attached for those struggling with their mental health to take away which all have the Samaritans number on the back.

He asked if he could have a heart as he lost his wife 12 months ago. I chatted to him for a while and he told me how he was “feeling fed up with himself” and wanted Christmas to be over.

We chatted and he told me he felt he should be moving on and be getting over it but he’s not.

He asked for a pink heart as it would remind him of her and I gave him a hug.

He squeezed me so tight and said “I haven’t had one of those for so long”

I literally wanted to adopt this man forever and I did shed a tear as he walked away after saying thank you with such sincerity clinging to the little pink heart. I am so glad I was able to make if only a small positive difference to his day and I will be thinking of him over Christmas.

This one moment made the whole project worthwhile.

I have made a vlog about this here:

Is this project only created that one moment then that’s what it was for. I always do these things thinking if it impacts one person then it’s worth it. Today I met that person. It reaffirmed why I do these projects and why they are important.

One person helping one person. That’s all it takes sometimes. One moment. One small gesture.

Today made me so happy that I met this man who happened to be walking past at that moment and stopped to talk.

You never know who you will meet, what they are dealing with and just a little moment can mean so much.

Never think as one person you can’t make an impact or make a difference because you could just make a difference to someones day. People helping people.

There’s so much to be said for it so please take a moment to reach out to someone this Christmas. You neber know what it may mean ♡

Posted in mental health, mental health awareness, mental health campaigner

When a nightmare turns in to a passion & Lloyds Bank #GetTheInsideOut campaign

So in one day it was my birthday, I started the counselling course I’ve wanted to do for 10 years and I got engaged! The following day I was featured in stylist magazine as part of Lloyds Bank #GetTheInsideOut campaign and It got me thinking about how and when me and my partner got together at the worst point of my life, how I never thought I’d do anything useful and ultimately how my living nightmare has now become my driving force and passion.

This just reinforced to me how you really don’t know what’s around the corner, where life will take you and get even if you think you’re way off the course of life it may just be leading you somewhere!

Mental health issues become such a big part of someones life, it’s hard to see past them sometimes.

Mental illness doesn’t always have to be a bad thing I’ve found though – it gives you a bigger heart, ears that listen better and eyes that view things from different angles.

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Stylist magazine, lloyds bank #GettheInsideout campaign mental health awareness Katie Houghton
katie houghton mental health campaigner
Katie Houghton , Bipolar disorder. Stylist magazine Lloyds #GetTheInsideOut campaign

You can see the online article in Stylist HERE

Don’t give up and keep walking your path – you never know where it might lead! ♡♡♡♡

Posted in mental health, mental health campaigner

UK Blog Awards – Please Vote for me ♡

I’m through to the next stage of the UK Blog Awards 2019 which is very exciting!

The UK Blog Awards celebrates bloggers from a whole range of different categories and I am under the “Mental Health” and “Wellbeing” categories.

These awards mean the world to me due to their ethos and what understand for. Alot of their social posts are very much of my own beliefs and what I try to convey and so I’m chuffed to bits that I am in this next round.

40% of this next round is on public vote and so very much in your hand and I would be SO grateful if you could take seconds to vote for me HERE

To win this would be amazing, I often doubt myself and so this would not only be a major achievement for me but it would also have the potential to open up further possibilities and opportunities to use my voice and experience to help others which is what I ultimately want to do.

Some of you may or may not know that I start a counselling course next week (on my birthday!) Which I have wanted to do for at least 8 years!! My ultimate goal and dream is to one day have a little retreat where people can go when feeling suicidal with no where else to go for a respite.

All of the things I am doing here with this website, with the media things I’ve been involved with, these awards I feel it’s all to lead to something where I can use my voice on a larger scale and have a little house of hope! That’s the dream. That’s the goal and these awards are another little step in that direction for me so it really would mean the world to me if you could vote and share to as others to do the same. I really would appreciate it ♡

Thank you lovelies ♡♡