So in one day it was my birthday, I started the counselling course I’ve wanted to do for 10 years and I got engaged! The following day I was featured in stylist magazine as part of Lloyds Bank #GetTheInsideOut campaign and It got me thinking about how and when me and my partner got together at the worst point of my life, how I never thought I’d do anything useful and ultimately how my living nightmare has now become my driving force and passion.
This just reinforced to me how you really don’t know what’s around the corner, where life will take you and get even if you think you’re way off the course of life it may just be leading you somewhere!
Mental health issues become such a big part of someones life, it’s hard to see past them sometimes.
Mental illness doesn’t always have to be a bad thing I’ve found though – it gives you a bigger heart, ears that listen better and eyes that view things from different angles.
There will be someone somewhere this Sunday evening struggling with their mental health.
Depression, anxiety, suicidal feelings – whatever it may be there will be so many people right now struggling.
I wanted to out out a short post. Just a little note from me to you. YOU sitting there right now struggling, feeling hopeless, worthless, like there is nothing left to do, no where left to go.
This is for you.
To tell you that I know it hurts feeling this way. I know it might feel like you’ve tried everything. Nothing is making this any better. That it can’t get any better. I know how much this hurts and the depths of these feelings because I have been there too, many times.
I also sit here now writing this to you knowing that if you give yourself time you will sit there as I sit here now feeling how glad I am that I am no longer in that place. Granted I know that it might sneak up on me again at any time, I not totally free from it’s grasp. The difference is now I have been through that and come through it time and time again I know that I am stronger and better equipped to deal with it next time, to almost watch it from a distance and let it run it’s course.
Nothing lasts forever, everything waxes and wanes and moves in and out like the tide.
This will too, even if it feels it wont.
Be kind to yourself in this time. Do what you need to do to get through. Be gentle with your mind as you would a broken leg. Don’t push it, let it heal and rest.
You will be Okay. These aren’t empty words. Believe me I know. I also know recovery is possible. That means different things to different people but to whatever extent that means for us – you – me, it’s possible.
Don’t be ashamed of your story it will inspire others.
Sharing mental health stories is powerful. There’s a lot to be said for one person’s journey resonating with other human and that is the reason I have wanted to share my story.
Today was a special day as I got the final manuscript back from my editor to pass on to the publisher ♡
It’s been emotional writing and reading and ‘re reading…and ‘re reading my own journey. It’s made me realise what I lost, what I miss but most importantly how far I’ve come.
Putting your story to the world for others to read is both empowering and terrifying.
It’s putting things out there there are personal, That you don’t speak of much, That others may not agree with and that may even tread on others toes.
For me if I was going to share my story. it had to be the truth. My version of events – regardless of who may or may not agree. I wanted it to be raw, honest, no heirs and graces. I didn’t want a fluffy story that sounded poetic but false. It’s about mental illness at its very core and so I wanted it to be real and I hope that it helps someone out there. That will make it worth while.
I have experience with more than one mental illness, a chaotic upbringing and multiple hospital admissions and so it was important to me to portray that messy and seemingly hopeless situation and show that it is possible to achieve normality…..whatever that is and whatever that means to the individual.
I will post updates when it is ready to buy and I hope some of you will read it and find some hope in there that you can relate to ♡♡
This is something i’ve wanted to do for so many years and somehow makes all that has happened mean something. It’s given me a passion and something to say that I’m now in a place to be able to share.
On a different note today has been the best. Not only have I sent off my manuscript to be a real live book but I’ve been and bought a new puppy to be named Eddie who will be part of our family in four weeks time! I LOVE dogs and already have my 10 year old fur baby who is my best friend and also featured in my book so this little man is a welcome and fitting addition ♡
So between puppies and publishing it’s been a fabulous day!
Hearts of hope in Shirley Park – World Mental Health Day 2018
I am so pleased at the response to this project, the converstations around mental health that have taken place surrounding it have been so positive.
Many of the hearts have been taken and hopefully hone to hands that need little hope ♡♡
I will be replenishing them later with another 40 ♡
I decided to make a little video about why I did this project.
You never know who you are speaking to and what they are going through. Every one is potentially fighting a battle you know nothing about.
I wanted to create conversation around mental health particularly in people that need to talk, that need to take that first step in speaking out about how they are feeling and I am very proud that this project seems to have created some of those converstations. ♡♡♡♡
World Mental Health Day 2018 is on Wednesday 10th October.
In aid of this I made 150 handwritten hearts of hope to attach to the entrance of my local park ♡
The aim with this project was to raise awareness on mental illness and create conversation around mental health.
With the help of a few lovely humans who offered to help (who were very much appreciated as it was very cold and I was losing the feeling in my fingers!) We attached all the notes as well as some signs and also some pebbles that I had painted to decorate the entrance of Shirley Park in Shirley, Solihull.
The aim is that people will not only read the notes but that if anyone is themselves struggling with mental health issues or knows someone that is that they will take one or two away as they have been attached so that they are removeable.
I was very proud of not only how this looked when all the hearts were up but more Importantly that were people were stopping and reading them within a short space of time and shortly after attaching starring receiving messages about conversations around mental health that had taken place and a few people approached me and spoke openly and that was what it was all about so I feel hopeful for the week or so that they will be up that they will have a positive effect which is awesome and makes it worth while!
I do love a plan that comes together and I am ready thinking about what I can do for nearer to Christmas which can be difficult time for many with mental health issues.
Are you ever too “broken” to come through the worst times and planning to end your life?
No. It may seem that way, even truly feel like this is it, this is the end but it doesn’t have to be. It’s possible for things to change even when you’re sure they won’t.
I’ve spoken about this before but I believe it’s an Important topic so I’m touching on it again with the the help of my manuscript.
Sometimes it’s only possible to see how far you have come when you look back. That’s a hard thing to do, but sometimes necessary.
Going through multiple diaries to write my story which I hope to have published was difficult but extremely therapeutic and made me realise what I have been through and just how far I’ve come. Not only that but that even when all hope seems to have gone and you’re utterly spent it’s possibly for things to change.
If you’re reading this and going through depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or a really impossible point of your life please know that things can and do change. You just have to hold on.